You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
