Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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