The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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