u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
