I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
