I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
