This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
