hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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