Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
