i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
