I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
