i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
