i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
