Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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