Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
