Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
