I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
