My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
