i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
