Your dad touched me again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
