as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
