You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
