My hair reeks of homosexuality.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
