p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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