shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
