i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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