the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
