Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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