if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
