Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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