I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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