You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
