im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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