Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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