i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
