Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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