Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
