Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
vagina is talking i cant
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
