just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
