I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
