i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
