I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
