OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
