Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
