Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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