Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
