good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
