My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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