who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
