I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Me too!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
